However, although it's a lot less pressure and I feel as though I can just 'be' for a while, I still get regular panics about steering too far off course from my career. Not to get too poetic about it, but I often feel like the world is moving so quickly, and I'm standing still. As if I'm trying to catch up, to succeed, but not being quite being fast enough. As soon I am in a position to jump back on to my career path, who's to say there won't be another 500 younger, more experienced people running along the same track as me, running towards the same goal?
It's these thoughts that have been taunting me in my sleep. And as many of you know, I like my sleep.
What's worse is that being back here, I often run into people who I knew when I was younger, people who haven't seen me in years, family friends, people I went to school with, teachers even, and they are all so excited to know what I'm up to and how I'm doing. Which usually results in this exact reaction -
Whilst at university I wanted to get as much professional experience as possible, to experiment, to try everything, to show that I'm adaptable, an all-rounder, this, some how, has turned out to be a hindrance. Rather than commend me on my confidence to throw myself into any given situation and my adaptability, it appears that employers think of me as not "specialised" enough and recruiters say my job search is "too broad". Again, fresh out of uni people, I doubt many people in my position could say they are "specialised" in anything, besides mixing drinks and still making it to 9am lecture the next day.
In the run up to Christmas I'm really looking forward to being at home and being around my family, regardless of where my life is heading, there are certain things that will never change and for that, I am thankful. I still aim to pursue my desired career in any way I can and search for a creative outlet. Although I may not update this blog as much as I would like to, I am constantly writing and am still certain that I will get there, some how and at some point.
Working in a department store may not be my ideal career but it's had a remarkably positive effect on my outlook on life. I've strangely enjoyed the long hours, the bitterly cold early mornings. I've loved having responsibility and have become determined to do well, to impress and work to the best of my ability. It has shown me that, although it may not be where my heart is set, I can still put my mind to success, to achieving something. Knowing how strong and resilient my own ambition is, has been very encouraging and has settled my anxieties about my future.
I'll be just fine...