Every decision we make in life is an investment into our future. Whether it be buying a house or even choosing what to have for dinner, we are pre-empting what will be best for us at some point in the near or distant future. When our financial situation is less than desirable, (which, if you’re in fashion, it probably is) we quickly learn to prioritise, we make allocations and allowances – buying those shoes means I won’t eat for three days, going on that night out means I can’t go on that one, we ask ourselves “Is it worth it?”. When life gives us boundaries, we make the best of our options, we decide what would ultimately be best for us.
The same goes, or at least should go, for love. We have to be wise with our investments. I often get criticised for not ‘living in the moment’ people tell me all the time to not let the future worry or concern me, I’m young, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me, the world is (apparently) my oyster, so why trouble myself in questioning whether the person I’m dating, is my lobster?* Why not enjoy it for what it is, when it is?
My argument remains the same. Why get preoccupied in something that has a sell by date? Why get caught up in a relationship that’s doomed from that start, one that you can already see the end of? When starting a new relationship, isn’t being blissfully unaware of how long it’ll last or where it will take you, half the fun?
In a conversation about an ex of mine, a friend said “Yeah he’s fabulous now, fun, seemingly care-free, but he isn’t a good investment”. Until very recently I never fully understood what they meant by that, now I realise. Living for the moment can only be a temporary state of mind, no matter how secure someone may seem now, there will come a time when there will be a sudden realisation of their lack of achievements, friends, prospects, or whatever they have considered to be ‘accomplishments’ actually amounting to... very little. The people they consider to be friends aren’t actually very good to them at all. Surely these worry-free creatures must stop and think “Where is all this going?” Maybe even once or twice? At some point in life we will all have responsibilities.
Consider the lifestyle you see yourself with in the future, does the other person in your life fit in to this lifestyle? Could they ever be a part of it?
When choosing someone to share your life with, even if only for a short while, we must ensure that we will as good for them as they will be for us. I’m not saying we need to be concerned about the future, we don’t need that nibbling away at the back of our minds, living for the moment afterall is refreshing and liberating. What I am saying is when you invest feelings in a new relationship, be wary that your stocks won’t plummet. This isn’t about getting something out of a relationship, or using someone for personal gain, it’s about emotional security. Knowing that you’re not wasting your time.
On one hand I want to urge you all to not waste your time on something that doesn’t seem like a worthwhile investment just because it seems “fun while it lasts” but on the other hand I want to tell you not to let the future pre-occupy your mind and distract you from what’s important right now. If you concentrate on the future too much, the present can pass you by and you may miss some unbelievable opportunities.
I wish I was one of these people that coasted through life and has the “Whatever happens, happens” outlook, but I just think about things too much. Maybe that’s what I should try. I should relax. Jump at every chance I get and not over-think situations. Throw caution to the wind. It seems to work for everyone else. I’m not that kind of person.... but maybe I could be...