Haven't really had much time to blog the past few weeks, I've felt very uninspired and have been deep in thought for the majority of the summer so far, there's always something for me to think about and things tend to all come at once. But I'm back after a brief sabbatical.
This week, a very close friend of mine was endlessly complaining about her lack of luck when it comes to love. Over coffee and a bagel she seemed defeated, emotionally drained and not her usual optimistic, heavily ambitious self.
Pretty, intelligent and in her mid-twenties she has endlessly blamed herself for her misfortune, particularly her previous relationship which ended.... not so well. I, and other friends have told her time and time again, that it's not her but that she has consistently fallen for unreliable, inadequate and frankly rotten men.
It has always amazed me how one man can dent someone's ego and make such an effervescent character, doubt herself. After a lengthy conversation, evaluating all her past relationships she sighed, looked me dead in the face and said "I give up. I'm giving up on love."
Now, anyone who knows me well enough will know that I'm a romantic. Even though I too have been through hell and back with love, I have never given up. There have been times when I've felt inadequate, when I have doubted myself, who I am, what I am, what I do, my abilities and my lifestyle but I would never close myself off entirely to the prospect of falling in love.
I agree that you should never rely on someone else for happiness, or too complete you, even Diane von Furstenberg said "The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself, because no matter what happens, you will be with yourself forever". But falling in love can be fabulous. But a word of caution - the person you fall for, may not be.
There is no instruction manual or survival guide, and it often comes along when you least expect it, but know that when in love we often see pass the flaws and see an imperfect person as a flawless being. Always be self-aware. Accept that you don't choose to fall in love, you can't control it, and you (unfortunately) can't choose who you fall in love with, but the worst thing you can do is ignore it. Keep a good head on your shoulders and don't get swept away.
From every experience, good or bad, there is something to be learned, you may not understand the lesson now but in time you will look back and be thankful for that lesson.
Hindsight is my arch nemesis, "If only I knew then what I know now" has become somewhat of a catchphrase for me, but you have to make mistakes in order to grow and progress. Everyone's been through heart ache. Always remember that you're not the only one. Be romantic, but control your imagination. Be optimistic, but always realistic. Don't dismiss love, but don't go looking for "The One" either, just open up, be brave, be shrewd and never ever give up.